Wednesday, January 07, 2009

In need of some advice.

M, my sweet, rambunctious, doesn't stop moving, loving, sensitive, little 8 year old boy is being teased at school. I don't know that we are at the bullying level yet, but I just heard about this last night so I need to delve further into the situation. He said there is one girl and one boy that pick on him all the time, they tell him his ears are dirty (poor guy has lots of ear wax, always has), his fingernails are too long, or that his hair looks funny.

I told him that sometimes people make fun of other people because they don't like themselves but that didn't fly with him. So I told him that he can play with other kids and he said this is happening in the classroom. He said he told his teacher that they are being mean but it hasn't stopped. So I told him to tell her again that they are being really mean to him and can he please move. After school today I plan on talking to him more, seeing if anything was better today and then I guess it will be time for a conference with the teacher.

What else can I say to my sad little guy? He cried when he got out of the van today, that's when I knew it was worse than he let on yesterday. I know this is part of life, but it doesn't mean I have to like it and I want to better prepare him to deal with it. He is quite small for his age too, so I'm sure stuff like that will be used against him in the future as well.

Mama bear wants to go beat up the kids and their parents, lol. Help.


Beth said...

We had to eventually change school because of the bullying with my 6 year old. It so hard. Have you talked to the teacher yet? I would talk to the teacher and talk to him about it more. I wish I had more advice for you.

QueenMeadow said...

I haven't talked to his teacher yet, but I will in a second if today doesn't go better.

M is the reason we homeschooled so I'm a bit stressed about this. Poor guy :(

Kermit~the~Frog said...

Sadly I know a lot about this! Scooter had a personal bully at the beginning of this year (he's in third grade and is 8 years old). What I learned in meeting with his teacher and various advocates is that this year is huge developmentally, both academically and socially. Scooter's got the academics downpat (which is one thing that makes him a target, because he cannot be quiet about everything he knows -- you know that kid on the Polar Express, the know-it-all with the glasses? That's kind of, uh, my kid) but he's flunking the social game ("Mom, I just don't get it. Someone is your friend for one week and then next week you're not allowed to talk to so-and-so and then a week later it's all fine again. I just don't get it.") He has a slight speech problem, and this is apparently the age that children pick up on that and tease for it. Also, he loves to crochet, which is not an acceptable thing for a boy to do, so he gets teased for that.

Anyway, because the bully was being physical with Scooter, the two were kept separate in the classroom and on the playground. I kid you not when I say that Scooter prayed and prayed for this boy and for his own safety, and now they are friends. The boy in question is slightly at-risk and has a questionable family situation (that's a whole new can of beans for me), so the school seems excited that Scooter can be a good example, because he's a loyal person and doesn't dump his friends every week.

As to the rest of the children, he's being better about his hygiene (normal boy stuff, and he does have that earwax factory thing going, lol) and he joined the third grade sports club, which he LOVES. He also started listening more than talking, and discovered that most of the boys in his class love Legos as much as he does. Thus a common thread was found.

He's by no means popular and never will be, because he's a geek and he will always do his own thing (today he's going to crochet during recess because he doesn't want to play the games his friends are into right now).

Also, the school has a good counselor with toys. Scooter stops in from time to time to use her big Lego set and chat. Maybe your school has something similar?

(((HUGS))) for your little guy. It's been an emotional year for me, but I have lots of hope as I watch him continue to rise above.

Sabra said...

hugs, Meadow. I worry about this so much. Kael is so...different. Kermit gave you some great stuff. She's so smart. Just hugs from me, though.